“I like to schedule dentist appointments for March 32, otherwise known as April Fool’s Day.”

“A vibrating toothbrush is one hygienic marvel of a sex toy. The next time I want to make love, I’ll make a dentist appointment.”

“I’ll be 30 in April. My birthday is March 5th.”

“I am an uncle, though this is not a new feeling for me, as I’ve been one before. I’ve also been 2 through 32, and I turn 33 in March.”

“There’s fool’s gold—pyrite—and then there’s fool’s gold—gold owned by idiots willing to trade it for worthless dollars.
”

“One day I’ll have my appointment with death, and every day I call out to God to see if I can reschedule for a later date.
”

“A brick could be used like March 5th marches in a marching band. And guess what, as the marching band director, I am the cement that holds everyone’s shoes in sync at the bottom of the Hudson River.
”