“I like to use my influence for good, rather than evil. And in this case, the good is a free meal at a swanky restaurant. But I don’t have much influence, as you could tell if you saw the meal I was just given: two packets of saltine crackers and a glass of water (ice not included).”

“When I say "The good man gave his good dog a good meal," I use "good" analogically, for there is at the same time a similarity and a difference between a good man, a good dog, and a good meal. All three are desirable, but a good man is wise and moral, a good dog is tame and affectionate, and a good meal is tasty and nourishing. But a good man is not tasty and nourishing, except to a cannibal; a good dog is not wise and moral, except in cartoons, and a good meal is not tame and affectionate, unless it's alive as you eat it.”

“Of course, a good meal might have helped; but I had already abolished my hunger by eating chocolate cake with fungus icing. Or I could have gone to a movie and smoked some grass. But when you're in that kind of sweat, the only lasting remedy is to ride with it: accept the anxiety, be depressed, relax, and let the current carry you where it will.”

“I hope when I'm ninety-five the only things I want are free: love, family, a good home-cooked meal.”

“Remember this, I beseech you, all you boys who are getting into the upper forms. Now is the time in all your lives, probably, when you may have more wide influence for good or evil on the society you live in than you ever can have again.”

“You know how you have a good meal and you got gravy left on the plate. The gravy was so good that you don’t want to leave it on the plate but you don’t want to be a pig about it? So you take your bread and use it to sop up the rest of the gravy. That guy is totally soppable!”