“I like undressing women with my eyes, but I just can’t quite figure out how to unstrap their bras with my eyelids.”

“Right now I’m naked, like how my pizza comes out of the oven. I like my toppings like I like my women: topless. I love me some pepperoni.”

“I just recently figured out how mirrors work. Pretty cool. That guy always hungrily staring at my naked body was me!”

“At the gun range I can’t hit the paper bull’s eye, no matter how carefully I aim at my wife.”

“I don’t quite know how to respond to people who say that I dance like my genitals are on fire. I usually just blush and brush aside their flattery.”

“My dreams, they all look like the back of my eyelids.”

“I like my spaghetti like I like my women. All over my shirt.”