“I like watching baseball as much as my grandma’s left ear is loud. (She’d probably give her right ear for a left ear that wasn’t soundproof).”

“I watch my feet as I walk along. Left, right, left, right, why is everything about politics?”

“We shouldn’t eat raw food. In fact, we probably shouldn’t even be listening to the radio. Too much nudity soaking in through our ears.”

“I’m very close to my dad. He’s about six inches away right now and snoring in my ears.”

“After I speak, my words merge with the wind, and if you’re listening, your ears act like sails and carry the conversation.”

“Maybe I could hear better if my ears weren’t flipped inside out. Unlike a cat’s ears, you can’t tell mine are flipped over. But they must be, because I only seem to listen to myself.
”

“I hate noise pollution. Get that filthy soda can out of my ear!”