“I listen better with earplugs in, so I can see what your body is really saying.”

“Don’t breathe on my voice, I yelled through my ears. But who’s there to listen, when you’re all alone and wearing earplugs. It’s true what they say, even if they say it silently—love is Helen Kelleresque.”

“Dear cat, your ears are flipped inside out, so I know you’re not listening to a word I’m not saying.”

“I want to write a song about the only girl I’ve ever loved. And the chorus will say something like, “I really want to see you tonight, so I hope you leave your blinds open.”

“I love body language, because I can speak it without talking, without listening, and while my back is turned.”

“Sometimes I give automated responses to people without even listening to what they say. For example, someone might tell me, “Enjoy the movie,” and I’ll say, “Thanks, you too.” Or, someone will say, “Enjoy your meal,” and I’ll reply, “Thanks, I wish I were eating your pussy.”

“I watch baseball on TV like my cat watches the window. Somebody open the blinds so we can see better!”