“I look at a woman’s shoes, not to tell how sexy she is, but to determine how sexy she feels.”

“There’s this girl who’s obsessed with me. I would tell you what she looks like, but she’s transparent. But I will tell you that she does have a sexy voice.”

“Would a suit of armor make women feel as invincible as a sexy pair of shoes?”

“I thought she was sexy until I noticed she had a beard.”

“I try to put myself in another man’s shoes. Or a woman’s, if she has large enough feet.”

“From afar they looked like sexy legs, until I got closer and saw they belonged to a man, not an Amanda.”

“I love how sincere she is. She makes a mannequin look like Mother Theresa, though she looks better naked. And I hope she thinks I look better naked than a dead woman.”