“I love ebooks. I love the idea of storing books in “The Cloud”, because honestly, reading and rainy days go together like peanut butter and umbrellas.”

“I got your love out of the umbrella cabinet. I hope you weren’t saving it for a rainy day.”

“The judge said he was going to throw the book at me. I hoped it was an ebook in the cloud, and not a heavy dictionary.”

“I prefer physical books to eBooks, because an eBook can’t be the solution to a wobbly chair like a real book can.”

“Taxidermy and taxes go together like peanut butter and sodomy. Can somebody get me two slices of bread?”

“I don't know what love is, but I know what love isn't. Love isn't a peanut butter and tuna sandwich, because no young man should spend his time searching for his "once in a lifetime." Take it from me, a love like that doesn't exist. And if it did, I'd have already eaten it.”

“There are lots of great ideas in my book, but as a cohesive unit, my book is only held together with glue at the spine.
 Or it would be, if it weren’t an ebook.”