“I love how babies look like old people. I saw a baby the other day that looked exactly like my grandpa, only taller.”

“I got my windshield replaced for no apparent reason. So now I have a new windshield that looks exactly like my old one, only cleaner.”

“Some people say I look like my mom, while others say I look more like my dad. I guess it all depends on what I’m wearing.”

“Of course my clone will be handsome. He’ll look exactly like my other clone, won’t he?”

“I haven’t the faintest idea how babies are born, probably because I fainted on the day I was born.”

“I once saw the world’s ugliest baby drown. But then I realized, “That’s not a baby, that’s a log. And it’s not drowning, it’s burning.” I wonder what it did to deserve that? It was probably a heretic.”

“Falling in love should be natural, like the food at Moe’s. Baby, I am so hungry for you, even though I know queso costs extra.”