“I love like an albino. But I don’t want to get sunburned, so would you please pass the ketchup?”

“Meatloaf is meatloaf is not a true statement. You can have gravy on top, ketchup on top, and don’t forget you can also have love on top--however, you must understand that I would do anything, but I won’t do that.”

“I make love like an albino sings—softly, and from sunset to sunrise (except in Alaska).”

“I have nothing, so I think having something would mean everything to me. But I don’t want to get to the point where I have everything, so having something would mean nothing to me.”

“The moon is an orbital albino, and it gets tons of sunlight, so I propose Operation Sunscreen, where astronauts coat the surface of the moon with a protective layer of sunscreen. If you care about albinos and the environment, you’ll see this is a good idea. And hey, it’s a better use of taxpayer funds than bailing out private banks.
”

“I would like an extra tight vagina, in a to-go box please. Can I get it with extra gravy on top?”

“I don’t demand much. All I expect is for you to love me so much you kill yourself just to get my attention.”