“I love tables. And dancing. Oh, and I love table dancing, although Grandmother always says, "Wait until we're finished eating.”

“I have a recognition dance, to acknowledge that I heard and understood you. So when Savannah says she loves me, and I reply by doing the Charleston, I’m just trying to show my love for her.”

“I want to be strapped to a table, while a family of chickens argues over who gets to eat my legs.”

“I dance like I have a chip on my shoulder. I dance salsa.”

“I met a man from Columbia who had a table for a back. I asked if it was a coffee table. He got offended and thought I was stereotyping him. How was I supposed to know it was a Three-drawer Wuchow Console Table?”

“She had a forehead like a dance floor. You should have seen the way the sun danced on her face in the middle of the night. I never actually saw it because I was always asleep in the middle of the night, but I’ll bet it looked unbelievable.”

“What can I say about love that’s never been said by me or anyone else? Well, sometimes love smells like my farts, after I eat a dozen roses.”