“I love the newspaper. I love reading fiction.”

“I wish I had a crystal bowl to see into the future with. Every morning I would eat my cereal out of it while I read tomorrow's newspaper.”

“I’ve found newspapers only useful as kindling material for campfires. It’s been said that newspaper articles are written at a fifth grade reading level. If so, I can’t figure out why journalists would write something that the average high school senior can’t even read.”

“I love ebooks. I love the idea of storing books in “The Cloud”, because honestly, reading and rainy days go together like peanut butter and umbrellas.”

“I am the alphabet soup of love. Eat me or read me, but don’t feed me to the cats.”

“The last time I saw love was in my imagination while reading a book on Thomas Jefferson. Isn’t the Constitution of the United States so romantic?”

“I love pan pizza. I love pans. I love Peter Pan. I love Peter, but not as much as I love Paul. As you can see, I have a lot of love—and between now and Christmas it’s all at a 33.3% reduced price.”