“I made her late, so she made me dinner. And by late I mean pregnant. And by dinner I mean marry her.”

“If a clock represented a pie chart, then I just ate a slice of apple pie so large it represents 33 minutes. That means I’m three minutes late for dinner!”

“I invited my girlfriend over and made her dinner. I didn’t cook, but I did eat her.”

“I made plans for 8:00. When my girlfriend told me she was late, I told her, “That’s funny, because my sperm was absent.”

“Agatha told me she was late, and I thought, I haven’t slept with her in years—she really must be late. I’m going to be a father!”

“I didn’t have enough money to tip the waitress, so I offered to take her out on a date, provided she paid for dinner. And picked me up.”

“You made me dinner, so I made myself vomit—twice. Once to clear some room in my full stomach so I could eat, and the second time as an expression of what I thought about your cooking.”