“I made plans for 8:00. When my girlfriend told me she was late, I told her, “That’s funny, because my sperm was absent.”

“I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.”

“I love my mom. And this time, I told her I loved her. And she told me she loved me, too. And things were okay for a little while.”

“That Sindy. She was so damn smart. But I never told her that. I also never told her that I loved her, or that I loved the two little stretch marks she got from carrying Vera. Or that I loved that freckle on her forehead. I never told her that I loved her lasagna or that I thought her views on politics were clever. I just kept my mouth shut because I thought that made me safe.”

“Agatha told me she was late, and I thought, I haven’t slept with her in years—she really must be late. I’m going to be a father!”

“Why?" I whispered. "Why do you love me?" "God told me to," she said softly. "He told me that you were the one." "When?" "In preschool - when you freaked out just because I got my hair cut."I pulled back from her and looked to see if she was serious.She was.”