“I make love alone, because it’s one person faster than two.”

“If it’s not one thing, it’s another. The other thing is, of course, two. That makes the one thing love, because two is the smallest number you can have to get the one.”

“If there are two clones, one good and one evil, I can’t kill on sight alone. It’s the same with love. Some love hurts, and some love elevates, but as to which one is which, they are two sides to the same sandwich.
”

“My girlfriend has two aliases. Clones aside, it’s the only time I’ve ever felt like I was cheating on one person with the same person. 
”

“There should always be one more cat than person, so everyone has one to pet, and I have two to myself.”

“I make my own cologne. It’s called “Sweat,” and it’s hard work making it. But I can tell people love it, because they’re so envious and jealous when I wear it that they avoid me altogether.”

“I make art for one person and one person only. And as soon as I find that one person, I sure hope he has a lot of wall space, because he’ll be getting a lot of art from me.”