“I make love like a half an hour minus 27 minutes. If you’re as bad in bed as I am in math, that’s roughly four minutes. And I do mean rough.”

“I am approximately 96.694444% in love with you. Of course, that’s just a rough estimate.”

“I’m a person, you’re a person, and we should make love. That is, if you’re a person who’s also roughly ½ of the population known as women.”

“My math is so fuzzy you should pet it. Four minus two isn’t two, because between two and four minus two is an infinite number of numbers.”

“Why did she want to see me for 15 minutes? I guess because half an hour was twice too long to say I love you. She also used 1,000 times the amount of words that were needed.”

“What I like most about reading is I can read in minutes what it took the author hours to write. What I like most about writing is readers can read in minutes what it took me seconds to write.”

“I’m always 15 minutes early for everything. In fact, I was born 15 minutes early. That’s why my love is always a bit premature. But don’t worry; just give our relationship a minute—plus fourteen more.”