“I met a guy who had an interesting job. He was a meat cutter, or a meat slicer, something like that. I probably butchered his job title.
”

“The butcher died, and he requested to be cremated. But I don’t want to burn him, because I like my meat medium rare.”

“Three people are interviewing for a job. The first thinks his odds are 33.3 percent of landing the job. The second guy, so sure of himself, thinks his odds are 100 percent. The third guy, however, knows he has a 50 % chance of getting the job, and a 25 % chance of getting convicted of murder. He likes those odds.”

“I keep butter in my underwear, because it’s like a meat locker down there. Can I interest you in two rolls of bread?”

“I make love like I make lasagna: with extra meat.”

“If I had the word “war” in my last name, like “Flowar,” I’d probably be a peaceful guy.”

“Before job interviews, I think: What color tie best represents me as a person this company would be interested in?”