“I murdered all my staff. I’m terribly sorry. I thought they were someone else (my wife).”

“I’m creative, I make up almost everything. But with all my creativity, I couldn’t make up with my wife.”

“One thought I think every person eventually thinks is, “Holy shit, I’m going to die!” Sorry, I just turned thirty yesterday, so my mortality is on my mind.
”

“Before I saw or met you, I thought you were someone else.”

“My name is Mr. Potatohead, and I’m looking for my wife. But I fear I’m too late, and that she’s already part of some combo meal somewhere.”

“At first I thought my wife and I were made for each other. It was as if we came out of the same factory. I think we were made in the USA, because things quickly began falling apart.”

“I wish to report an attempted murder—on my clone. Someone tried to drink my semen out of beaker number two.”