“I need to call it a night. But only because I don’t know what else to call it. What’s in between evening and morning?”

“When I’m tired, I say, “I’m calling it a night.” Well, what else am I going to call it? Nathan?”

“At first sign of crisis, the ignorant don’t panic because they don’t know what’s going on, and then later they panic precisely because they don’t know what’s going on.
”

“Don’t bother calling the cops, because nobody can find me here. I know, because after all these years, I’m still trying to find myself.”

“The difference between me and a scientist is a little word called “Science.” I don’t believe in it. Science has yet to validate my disbelief in Bigfoot.”

“When people say they don’t read, I always wonder if they don’t because they can’t or because they won’t. Then I think, what’s the difference? Either way they are ignorant.”

“I don’t call watches watches, I call them grasps, because one, they grasp onto your wrist, and two, time isn’t something you can watch; it’s a concept you have to grasp.”