“I need to get my wedding ring resized, because it still fits tight around my neck.”

“When I wear my wedding ring I think of her. I also think of my wife.”

“The chain of command, I wear it around my neck.”

“You could empty the trash and my love for you still wouldn’t fit inside. But just because it won’t fit, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t empty the trash.”

“I want to be my own wedding singer at my own wedding. But first I’ll have to audition.”

“If I could rotate my neck 180 degrees, like an owl, I'd go around wearing backwards baseball caps, just to mess with people.”

“I drink coffee like a civilized man—alone in a cave, wearing a loincloth, and grunting in frustration because my club is too thick to fit in my cup to stir in the sugar.”