“I need to work smarter, harder, faster, and longer than you. And if I still don't come out in front, then simply changing directions will correct that.”

“Mouths are longer than they are wide, to ensure words don’t come out sideways. Even the word “sideways” comes out straight.”

“I would give you all my love, but I’m afraid I’d get nothing in return. And coming from you, nothing is simply much more than I want.”

“Masturbation, like writing, is best when your mind is working faster than your hand.”

“I live 30 times faster and more intensely than most people, so every year is a whole generation for me. I’d like my combo meal with a side of long white beard, and I’d like it to go. Now, damnit! Fast food simply isn’t fast enough for me. I’m so quick that I need a refill on my drink, and I haven’t even taken a sip.”

“I’m so smart that I make everyone around me smarter. I do this by being dumber than everybody.
”

“Are you smarter than my brain in a jar? Have a pickle while you ponder it.”