“I needed to take her to a concert, or maybe invite her out to go stencil street art in the middle of the night. Except I hadn’t done that since middle school. And I’m not exactly Banksy with a can of spray paint.”

“Since pigs are anatomically similar to humans, dissecting one must be like cutting up a midget. And I haven’t done that since middle school.”

“I still remember my middle school locker combination. Maybe I should go back to my old locker to see if I left my innocence in there.”

“She had a forehead like a dance floor. You should have seen the way the sun danced on her face in the middle of the night. I never actually saw it because I was always asleep in the middle of the night, but I’ll bet it looked unbelievable.”

“Thanks,” I said, “have a great day.” And I turned to leave. Damn! I am such a coward. Next time I’ll get her number, I told myself, even though I said the exact same thing sixty-some dollars ago. I needed a plan. I needed an event to take her to. What did I think I was going to do, ask her out to coffee?”

“In middle school, Renaldo was voted most likely to vote in a Presidential election. But he was the most obvious choice to receive that accolade, since he was the only 17-year-old at school.”

“I think the best time to launch an assault on a city would be not only in the middle of the night, but also the middle of the sixteenth century. Yawn if you agree.”