“I never speed, because if I get into an automobile crash and die, I don’t want to have arrived earlier than I was supposed to for my death.”

“The butcher died, and he requested to be cremated. But I don’t want to burn him, because I like my meat medium rare.”

“If I can’t see the bottom, I don’t know how much is left. Why does my love have to be so thick? I suppose because it keeps the engine of your heart running smooth.
”

“I don’t have time to kill you, and you don’t have time to die, because I’m not into redundancy, and you’re already dead.”

“I drive a car that’s covered in fur, because before the automobile, there was the horse.”

“I have nothing, so I think having something would mean everything to me. But I don’t want to get to the point where I have everything, so having something would mean nothing to me.”

“A brick could make everything better for me. Now, if I could only find a way to get my hands on one. But it’s a silly dream, because I don’t have the ambition to get out from under my blanket and go out and grab the very thing I most desire. 
”