“I once got a handjob from a glove. I miss the 80s.”
“When I wear my confessional glove it’s super tempting to give myself a velvet handjob.”
“I eat fog for breakfast, and I shit out steamy love scenes from the 80s.”
“It was as unsatisfying as a handjob from someone wearing an oven mitt.”
“I collect collect calls from the 80s. I prefer them in mint condition, meaning the phone's still ringing.”
“If I shake your hand, and then jack off, it’s as if you gave me an indirect handjob. ”