“I once had a dream about a woman, and the next day she died. I stopped sleeping for three days after that to try to save some lives, but then my body relented and I went back to being a murderer.”

“I’m a powerful being. I caused the night to turn into day. And I didn’t even try! I simply waited. I’ll bet I could even do it in my sleep.”

“I had an out-of-body experience so strange that it felt normal. You see, my soul, or essence, had left my body and went and inhabited the body of my clone. So I wasn’t in my body, and yet I was. Or maybe none of that happened, and I was just in a delirious, sleep-deprived state.”

“And the next morning, after a night of passionate sex, I said those three little words I knew she’d been waiting to hear: woman, I’m hungry.”

“The day my dad left my mom and I was the second saddest day of my life. The saddest day was the next day, when he returned home.
”

“She had an ass behind her that went on for days. In fact, I’m still talking about her.”

“The other day I went to the Huddle House. I wasn’t hungry, I just wanted to call some plays.”