“I once went toe to toe with an international thumb war champion.”
“I went for a walk and I stubbed my big toe. And my erection.”
“Hello toes," I say. They're good toes. I like that they're long and slender and not the slightest bit stubby. I wiggle them, ten unstubby waves that say, "And hello to you, Human Host!"Except they're toes. I'm talking to my toes. Maybe I'm not bored... maybe I'm lonely?”
“I needed another sibling the way I needed a sixth toe. Or a twelfth toe. You know, an extra one on each foot. Never mind.”
“There were toes. Those toes wouldn’t be happy piggies. But they didn’t have any right to be in the way.”
“Upon your feet you have ten toes, they look just like PO-TA-TOES!”