“I prefer long-distance relationships. If we were dating, would you be offended if I asked you to stand back a few feet?”

“Why the rifle? Everybody knows you can’t shoot.” Who were these everybodies and would they like to stand in front of me, preferably within ten feet, so I could discuss this issue in greater detail.”

“At that moment, I knew we could last past the end of summer. That with Parker, I could make a long-distance relationship work.That relationships were a lot like roller coasters. filled with highs and lows, terrifying split seconds, and awesome moments when you simply enjoy the ride.”

“They (penguins) then fall madly in love and live happily ever after.-And so you ask yourself: "If a penguin can have a worthwhile, stimulating relationship, why the hell can't I?"-Or maybe you ask yourself: "Would I be happier if I started dating a penguin”

“My mother drove back to the intersection. "Who are you dating?" "Don't ask," I said. I wasn't dating anyone. I was fornicating with Batman.”

“Ava's not my date. I came stag.""Stag. You. Why?""So my date wouldn't get offended when I wanted to dance with you," he says.”