“I put my heart in a paper cup, so she’d be more likely to drink it up.”

“I didn’t know what to do for my project so I brought in a paper cup filled with dirt just hoping that she’d know I’m an idiot and just walk right on past me just as long as I was holding something. “What do you have there, Brian?” “It’s a cup of dirt. Just put an ‘F’ on it there and let me go home.” “Well, explain it.” “Well, it’s a cup with dirt in it. I call it ‘Cup of Dirt.’ You should move on now. Just go ahead and move on. Head on down the line there.”

“At the bar, I asked her what she’d like to drink, hoping she’d reply, “Your semen.”

“I wish to cup knowledge in my hand and drink it as one drinks water by the side of the stream.”

“Asking me to describe my son is like asking me to hold the ocean in a paper cup”

“People assume because I'm a coffee expert I drink lots of coffee. I can't. It takes me half an hour to brew my perfect cup. Do the math. I simply don't have time to drink more.”