“I saw two statues talking to each other. I didn’t hear what they were saying, perhaps because they were whispering.”

“A monster’s not a monster to another monster. At least that’s what I thought when I saw my mother-in-law talking to a statue of Stalin.”

“The two sisters wouldn’t sleep with me. But it’s cool, because they were nuns, and I didn’t have my clerical costume on.”

“I didn’t list listening as one of my skills, probably because I didn’t hear what the interviewer asked.”

“If I were among midgets I didn’t know, I’d be afraid they’d see I was uncomfortable making small talk.”

“At first I thought my wife and I were made for each other. It was as if we came out of the same factory. I think we were made in the USA, because things quickly began falling apart.”

“We were in love. When I say we, I don’t mean her and I. I mean me and my clone were in love with her. But she didn’t even know I existed, just as I didn’t know my clone existed. I still don’t know he exists.”