“I skinned a skunk to make a rug. You know, for the bathroom.”

“I once got attacked by a bearskin rug, two days before it was a rug.”

“Do you mind if I use your bathroom? I haven’t made dinner yet.”

“I have a bedroom rug that I feed. It’s not very flat, and it meows when I step on it.”

“If my skin wasn’t flesh, but was tinfoil, I’d probably not only be left-handed, but I’d be a leftover. I guess the real question is, Would you rather make love to me or make dinner?”

“I wasn’t on vacation. I was in the bathroom for an extended length of pee.”

“After I go to the bathroom, I leave my hands wet as proof I washed them.”