“I snorted powdered flamingoes while I pondered love. I sat at the bar two hours waiting for my ice on the rocks to melt so I could drink it and leave, but it was like my ex wife’s heart—it was just too frigid to melt. So I called up a midget, buckled myself in on his back, and had him give me a ride home. Ah, but that’s life, no?”

“I was nervous. Like an ice cube, I just froze up. Then I melted in some strange guy’s drink.”

“I made an ice sculpture that represents my love for you. It never melts.”

“I could do more pull-ups with a midget on my back, than a midget could do with me on his back. This makes me the superior land animal.”

“Just like trying to ice skate on two sticks of butter in the desert, my love for her melted and was no good to anyone but a chef.”

“I ran over a dog last night on my way home, and then I wondered what my wife had made for dinner. The two events are disappointingly not connected. Ah, but that’s life, no?”

“The other day I tried to design a finish line, but I didn’t know where to start. So I just sat there and drank Gatorade. Ah, but that’s life, no?”