“I stepped on a banana spider today. I didn't crush it, but I did slip and fall. Then I got bit by one of the Three Stooges, possibly John McCain.”

“You’re not related to the Three Stooges are you? ‘Cause I could swear this escape scene is one of theirs.” ~ Jim”

“The common approach is, metaphorically speaking, to go out onto the sidewalk and to pick up all the banana skins, so that no one slips. Me, I go down early in the morning and drop more banana skins. People say, ‘Well, why would you be doing that?’ And I tell them, ‘Teaching is not about trying to prevent people from falling down, it’s about trying to get them to use their eyes.’ If you take the banana skins away, you’re saying that life is banana-skin free. Well, it is not. Life is full of banana skins.I try to teach people to use their eyes, to look where they’re stepping. It’s my responsibility to respect people, to help them learn the lessons life teaches. When you slip on a banana skin and fall down, discuss what happened and learn from it. I think that it is actually unwise to get in between people and what life is trying to teach them, but we all have a responsibility for each other.”

“I like the fact of John McCain's head being severed. Like that it will fit so much more nicely up George Bush's butt!”

“Today, when I stepped outside, I got shit on by a bird. But I'm still going back outside tomorrow.”

“I have three step brothers and one step sister. It’s like a staircase, and I am the slinky.”