“I stole her perfume out of her car, and in its place I left a loud fart.”

“The only thing I have left to remember her by is the scent of her perfume. I just broke into her car and stole the bottle.”

“I like watching baseball as much as my grandma’s left ear is loud. (She’d probably give her right ear for a left ear that wasn’t soundproof).”

“I thought I was placing my hand on her knee. But it turned out to be her saggy boob.”

“The best thing about dating a deaf woman with no nose is being able to fart in bed and have her not know. Well, that is unless Edmond tells her, but I don't think he will.”

“Her car is being repaired, so I offered to give her a lift to work tomorrow. I hope she likes piggyback rides.”

“She yawned so loudly that I wanted to use her mouth as a putt putt golf hole.”