“I stood under the umbrella for hours before I folded it up and started walking. Umbrellas can block the sun, shield the rain, and if you flip an open one over, it can also be used as a large coffee cup.”

“You can talk about love all day, but until you feel it, you might as well be an albino under an umbrella.”

“I’m feeling a little under the weather. But once I open my umbrella, I’m sure I’ll begin to feel better.”

“I could either buy one missile, or 88,000 cups of coffee. Both would wake me up, but the coffee would also wake up North Korea. I’ll go with the coffee.
”

“Love is like a cloudless blue sky. That’s why I always carry an open umbrella.”

“I wouldn't mind showering in the rain, if there weren't so many naked men holding umbrellas standing behind me. Who invited Congress?”

“When I go house hunting, I use a rather large gun. You should see me fish for the best tasting Starbucks coffee. Oh, and can I borrow your plunger?”