“I surround myself with salt, so it soaks up the humidity from my steamy solo love making sessions.”

“I eat fog for breakfast, and I shit out steamy love scenes from the 80s.”

“I’d rather fake my own fog, than fake a steamy love scene. Can I interest you in some mist? It’s homemade.”

“I like spending all my time making things with my hands. Mostly I make love to myself.”

“I make conversation like I make love to myself—I let my hands do all the talking.”

“My thoughts absorb sound like sponges soak up water. Please don’t whistle while I masturbate.”

“I make love with the accuracy of Joe Montana, and from a distance of up to 100 yards.”