“I suspect I’ll be suspicious for my whole life that Saturday night is sleeping with Sunday morning.”

“I saw her at the party last Saturday. I could tell by her body language that she wanted me. She was wearing a shirt that said, “I want you Jarod.” I left alone that night. Come Sunday morning, I found out that she went home with Jarod Wheedlebreeder. I guess the bonds of Jarod aren’t as tight as I thought.”

“Every morning I think: What’s the latest I can sleep in ‘til, and still be on time for work? Well, I used to think that, before unemployment turned every day into a Saturday.”

“Sunday nights I get about two inches of sleep. But I make do, because that’s all the erection I can muster.”

“There are days when I don’t know how I live with myself. Those days are Sundays through Saturdays.”

“I’m a powerful being. I caused the night to turn into day. And I didn’t even try! I simply waited. I’ll bet I could even do it in my sleep.”

“What are you doing Saturday or Sunday? I’m free this weekend. But come Monday I go back to being a slave.”