“I swam in the neighborhood peel. I mean pool. I guess I threw that pee in there because the swimming experience left a bad taste in my mouth.”

“My time at the pool went swimmingly. Better than a nude beach, because I was the only one who was naked.”

“Last week I placed a hand-written sign in front of my neighborhood that read, “Lost Mustache. Please do not feed. If found, contact Mouth,” and I left my phone number. Nobody’s called. Perhaps the neighborhood cat lady took it in and is petting it on her lap at this very moment. Ah, but that’s life, no?
”

“I am the bathtub of desire, but damnit woman, I saw you eyeing that swimming pool.”

“I grew a mustache, and I grew it in my garden. My mustache is organic, and will taste tasty on your mouth.”

“I used to spend a lot of time in lap pools. Growing up I was on a few swim teams. In Florida all there is to do is surf, swim, golf, and try to pick up single women at the retirement home.”

“In the throes of passion, I threw out an I love you. Did I mean it? Does a dictionary mean what it says?”