“I take my investment advice from my dentist, because he’s just as likely to lose me money as a financial advisor.”

“My advice is don’t take advice from anybody. This is good advice, and as such, it’s bad advice.”

“One of my hobbies is reading finance and economic books—at the strip club, where I “invest” my money.”

“When I get excited I drool. That’s why I buy bibs wholesale from my dentist. Based on that alone you could label me a romantic.”

“Toothpaste pie is no substitute for swishing around minty-fresh love in your mouth and then rinsing out with cold, refreshing reality. But don’t take my word for it, because I’m not a dentist.”

“Trying to resist my love is like trying to hold back a tsunami with a surfboard. My advice is to take up boogie boarding.”

“I can’t afford to waste either my money or my time—but that doesn’t stop me from trying.”