“I think Starbucks would go out of business if more people were to Superglue their eyelids open when they felt tired.”

“A bathroom that doubles as an elevator would be a great place to open a coffee shop—but only if it’s a Starbucks.”

“If your nipples were on your eyelids, then and only then would I give you eye contact while you are talking to me.”

“When I go house hunting, I use a rather large gun. You should see me fish for the best tasting Starbucks coffee. Oh, and can I borrow your plunger?”

“Like a 9-5 business at 4:59 pm, her legs were open.”

“If I could die saving two lives, I would, provided each of those two people were the kind of people who would die to save two more like them.”

“Throw a pair of Band-Aids over your eyelids, and open your eyes to your wounds.”