“I think you’re funny, and the toilet sounds like a soda can opening when it flushes. It’s a diet soda, so it’s less filling and more fattening.”

“I hate noise pollution. Get that filthy soda can out of my ear!”

“Something can be humorous without being funny. The difference is when it’s humorous, a person says, “That’s funny,” and when it’s funny, a person can’t say anything because they’re too busy laughing.”

“It’s not really masturbating if you’re jacking your clone off. It’s more like politics.”

“When I jog it’s like a dancing dog. Well, it’s more of a foxtrot.”

“It’s good if you think bad thoughts, because at least you’re thinking. That’s more than most people do.”

“For your birthday, I got you a box. Hooray! It’s empty, so you can fill it with whatever you want.”