“I thought I was eating a candy bar, but it turned out to be a yummy burrito. I was both disappointed and appointed at the same time.”

“If I took a candy bar, ripped off the wrapper, ate the candy bar, and pinned the wrapper to the wall, is that art, performance art, both, or neither?”

“I’d run 26.2 miles to eat a Marathon candy bar.”

“I am the burrito wrapped up in a blanket. Eat my warmth.
”

“I eat bar soap raw, because if you try cooking it, it disappears. The soap turns into soup.”

“Social progress: for the same price as last year, I get a slimmer candy bar, less chips per bag, and I have to walk a little further to work, because to spend the same amount on gas I have to continuously park farther and farther away from the building.”

“Two mustaches walk into a bar, and the bartender said, “Can I get you a drink?” Both mustaches turned towards each other but said nothing, because they’d each left their mouth at home.
”