“I thought I was placing my hand on her knee. But it turned out to be her saggy boob.”

“I stole her perfume out of her car, and in its place I left a loud fart.”

“I gathered my courage like nuts and berries, I cautiously approached her, I waited for her to turn her head, and then I sprinkled them in her yogurt. Sometimes you just have to take a chance. Ah, but that’s life, no?”

“She had breasts that sagged to her knees. But that's ok, because when it got cold, I could see her nipples through her kneepads.”

“I’m putty in her hands. Out of her hands, I’m more like clay.
”

“Don’t expect my hand to extend out of her vagina and accept the charity of strangers.”

“She didn't say it, I only thought she said it. So really it was my thought, my words, and not hers. How could I confuse "I love you" with "May I take your order?”