“I took a vow to stop taking things.”

“I did something so stupid last night that I can’t even speak about it today. I took a vow of silence.”

“I hope you don’t mind, but I took the liberty of taking away your freedoms. –Uncle Sam
”

“She’s the kind of woman where if you give her an inch, she’ll take the whole penis.
 She took all I had, and she didn’t even take me out to coffee.”

“There was fried chicken in the litter box, so I helped myself and took a shit. I am a cat lover and a fan of KFC. I always take mine to go.”

“Whether you’re a Democrat or a Republican, I think everybody can agree that politicians are crooks. But I don’t think politicians are thieves, because you can’t steal what you’ve been given. Once we stop giving in, they’ll stop taking.
”

“I had a hot date last night. Things were going well so I took her back to her house, dropped her off, and went home to masturbate.”