“I took my pants off slowly, thinking if I did it too fast I’d possibly rip a hole in the center of the universe.”

“If I didn’t have any pants on, I’d let you taste my pantslessness.”

“She took off her red pants, the shade of ketchup, to reveal softly tanned legs, like two French fries. But when she brought up price, I knew she was too good to be true. She was definitely NOT off the dollar menu.”

“If I took a candy bar, ripped off the wrapper, ate the candy bar, and pinned the wrapper to the wall, is that art, performance art, both, or neither?”

“I’d hang a walrus on my wall, and I’d name him Russ. But I’m not a hunter—I’m a lover and a fisherman. Dinner will be ready in ten minutes, if you want to take off your pants and wash up.”

“The hole in my heart matches the key I gave her, and I’d like it back, along with the key to my hope chest.”

“My sheep pants don’t make me one of them. However, 37 Brantleys made an appeal on my behalf, but I still have to take off my pants.”