“I train for the winning moments, hoping all those seconds off the clock will lead to firsts. I train for seconds, that’s all—not even a cumulative minute—and that’s why I only ever earn seconds. Still, I’d rather have time and silver than gold and sweat.”

“I remember the first time we made love like it was the second time. We never made love again, and I don’t regret it for a second.”

“How many seconds does it take to win second? As many as it takes to win first—if you don’t use them properly.”

“If I had a funny thought and a runny nose, but only had one napkin and no paper, I’d rather use that napkin to write on than blow my nose. After all, that’s what sleeves are for.”

“I would rather save a few seconds than a few cents. I hope you don’t mind, but I’m saving them in your sofa cushions.”

“If my doctor told me I only had five minutes to live, I’d probably change all the clocks in my house, because they’re all five minutes fast and I want to know exactly how much time I have left so I can use it wisely.”

“The first door in the hall leads to youth, the second door leads to middle age, and the third door leads to the bathroom. But knock first, because I think grandpa’s in there.”