“I tried to knock my wife up, but she’d only let me ring the doorbell. And she made me dress up like the pizza delivery boy while I rang.”

“When I think about my relationship with America, I feel like a battered wife: Yeah, he knocks me around a lot, but boy, he sure can dance.”

“The phone rings.“Asshole,” she mutters. She picks it up.“Will you let me explain?”“No.” She hangs up.”

“He pushed me back up against the door, slamming me against the doorbell. I heard it ring out."Coming!" I heard Holly say as she clicked across the floor to the front door."Not quite, but she’s close." He chuckled, removing his hand and leaving me breathless and rosy cheeked.”

“I call my wife and tell her I’m going to sleep at the lab. She reminds me that she left me a week ago. Louis tries to crack me up by pantomiming humping a chimp through the cage.”

“That boy made me realize, for a while at least, that my parents were wrong, and I didn't have to be like them.”