“I tried to wear my shirt while it was still on the hanger. That’s just the kind of morning person I am with no coffee.”

“I wear brown shirts to protect against the combination of coffee and clumsiness.
”

“I think I just inhaled a cloud. That’s what I get for not wearing a gas mask while riding my Pegasus.”

“In exchange for my silence, I want a box of quiet. Empty—and full.
That’s also how I like my morning coffee at night.”

“Respect doesn’t have to be shiny. It just needs to be wearable. Would you be so kind as to hold my jockstrap while I stir your hot coffee?
”

“My coffee cup didn’t come with a sleeve, but that’s OK, because I’m wearing a tank top.”

“I’ll tug at your breasts like a thirsty child. Try not to burn your nipples in my hot coffee. While you’re at it, I also like sugar in my coffee.”