“I unwind with wine—or a few counter clockwise turns.”

“A brick could be used for pressing grapes into wine, and a magician could then cover up that wine with a blanket and turn wine into water.
”

“I drink screwdrivers because they help me unwind.”

“I’m a bean counter. Oh, I’m not an accountant, but I did spill pinto beans on the counter.”

“Question for your life: If Ted Kennedy made it to heaven, do you think he’s pleased with the fact that Jesus can turn water into wine?”

“You drink wine by the glass, and I drink wine by the trashcan. Seriously, I’ll be by the trashcan if you need me.”

“I think coffee is the best drink known to man. I also think that wine is the best drink known to woman.”