“I used his severed hand as a murder weapon. I hope I didn’t get my fingerprints on his fingerprints.”
Jarod Kintz
Seriously delirious, but not at all serious
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Working on it...
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Working on it...
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Working on it...
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Working on it...
Similar quotes
“If I shake your hand, will I get my fingerprints all over your fingertips? I hope not. Otherwise the crime scene, and the shaft of my penis, is riddled with my fingerprints.”
Jarod Kintz
The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.
“... a monologue defines its author as reliably as his fingerprints.”
Marcelo Figueras
“When I was a fetus, I used to sneak out at night when my mother was sleeping. I figured I should start stealing stuff while I still had no fingerprints.”
Steven Wright
“That night I wasn't reading your palm...I was monogramming my fingerprints on the sidewalks of your lifeline.”
Brandi Bates
“I always wear gloves, so at any moment I could commit a crime and not be worried about fingerprints. Plus, it saves on buying hand sanitizer.”
Jarod Kintz
So many chairs, and no time to sit