“I used to think I knew what love was, but here recently it has been revealed to me that what I thought was love, was actually lasagna. Still, I cling to my maxim: love is tasty.”

“I make love like I make lasagna. Makes me hungry just thinking about it.”

“I make love like I make lasagna: with extra meat.”

“What can I say about love that’s never been said by me or anyone else? Well, sometimes love smells like my farts, after I eat a dozen roses.”

“I’m sleepin’ in your pee pee, and I’m dreaming of what could be.” That’s just the chorus of a little love song I recently wrote.”

“To maximize love, I try to emulate an omelet. And I’m not just saying that to sound romantic.”

“Love is a boomerang dripped in honey, in that it emanates from me just as surely as it will return to me. Still, I think I’d much rather wash my hands and be done with it.”