“I vote to have my vote voided—which means my vote won’t count even when it counts, and it will count even when it won’t count.”

“This is America. Every vote counts. Sometimes twice, if it helps me get elected.”

“I have so many friends I couldn’t even count them on one hand—not even if I had six fingers. Now, if I had seven fingers, I could count on them, but I still wouldn’t be able to count on my friends.”

“Experience counts for something. I count with my fingers. I could count on you, but you’ve only got one finger for me (the middle one).”

“In high school I got voted most likely to get voted for something. Even though I was the only one who voted, it still felt terrific being nominated.”

“I’d rather count to one billion, than waste my time thinking I could count on you.”

“My OCD governs my actions like a governor, but I didn’t vote for it. No, I voted for Dora J. Arod.”